aw, gee........do i have to???

Okay, I know this is the day God has made and I'm supposed to rejoice and be glad in it. It's just that I'm having a hard time doing it. This morning was okay. This afternoon I had to buy groceries. I was at Wal-Mart and the bank inside was just across from where I checked out. I pushed my cart around and stared right at a hundred dollar bill on the counter in front of the teller. She couldn't see it because it was down on the little shelf in front of her. I picked it up and showed it to her. Her eyes got really big. I asked her if I could keep it. She told me no! She said the guy had just walked away that it belonged to. "Yeah, I bet," I found myself thinking; "you'll probably pocket it when I leave." Now I'm showing my true colors. I would be such a mess without Jesus. Why do I have to be so honest?? I really could have just walked away with it! Except I knew I couldn't get away with it. It wouldn't be pleasing to Him who lives inside me.

It's just that it came at a good time; or would of if I'd kept it. I found a hundred dollars one other time and the person claimed it so I had to give it back also. Again, I could of just pocketed it and no one would have known. Except God and the little man who lost it. Okay, those of you who know me well know that there's no way I could keep quiet about it. But I digress from my original subject.

So I get home still pining about my lost riches and Ben tells me they fired Avery Johnson, the coach of the Dallas Mavericks. I guess I have to say their former coach. That really made me mad. I feel strongly about my boys, even their coach, and I remain a faithful fan even if they did get their butts kicked. They are still my team! I get to liking someone and it really upsets me when they get traded or fired. I've been through Steve Nash, Eduardo Najera, Raja Bell, Devin Harris, Desagna Diop, and others. So the way I deal with it is that I end up liking the other teams they go to. The world of sports is a cruel world to those who lose. I hate that part.

never good enough

Pastor Paul made a comment Sunday that we approach God intellectually. He also said that we can't impress Him. How many times in my own life have I tried to do just that? In my legalistic days (I like to think of that as my former life.) I "tried" so hard to be a "good" Christian and do what God wanted me to do. I mean I REALLY TRIED HARD. I made a good Pharisee.We gave up our TV, got rid of all our secular music, went to every church activity; heck, I even wore dresses ALL the time. What did all those things do?? Well, it mostly made me miserable.

Now if you do any of the things I mentioned and God told you to do that, then hurray for you. You should obey God. You shouldn't come up with your own list of things to impress Him though. None of those things brought any of the peace and joy that I sought. I was so busy trying to do things to get close to God that I left Him out of it. All He wants is a relationship with me. If He wants me to do anything else He will let me know.

Living in grace is the most wonderful thing. It has transformed my life. I actually have the peace and joy that I sought all those years. How did I get it? I didn't. God gave it to me. Once I gave up trying to please God and just loved Him instead, He brought such peace and joy in my life. God does that for us in a relationship with His son, Jesus Christ. He gives us His Holy Spirit to lead and direct and convict us if we need to be convicted. A father who loves his children has to chasten them for their own good. If I need chastening God does it in such a gentle way it breaks my heart. I don't want to walk alone anymore. I want to walk with Him.

Now I still find myself trying to fall back in my old life. Just like we talked about in Sunday School week before last........old things are passed away; however we still have the same old brain in our heads.

That can take me down another path, but I don't have time to meander along today. I had an awful headache all day yesterday and didn't get much done. Today I am doing what I should of done yesterday AND what I need to do today. I already have dinner planned; I even have a cake made. Now I'm off to do more laundry and possibly some ironing. It's a beautiful spring day and I am so enjoying it. I wish I had time to work in the yard!

kitchen can be used for cooking

I'm still tired. Daniel's birthday was a success. His caps arrived at 4:00, just in time for the festivities. It was the perfect gift; you would have thought he had picked it out himself! Trying for a bit of sarcasm here, if you read my blog you know he did that very thing. Nevertheless, he was thrilled. Rebekah took pictures for me, but I don't know how to download them from her camera. I'll try to post those later.

I started off the day by making his cake. He requested a strawberry cake. My mom's recipe is so yummy. Then I made homemade yeast rolls and while those were rising made the icing for the cake. After they were baked I made Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter cookies for the Home School Enrichment Class Open House tonight. Baking cookies take forever. My oven is small and I only bake one tray at a time. Let's see 72 cookies, a dozen a tray, at 8 minutes 10 seconds per tray, well, you get the idea. After that I had to run an errand and buy a birthday balloon and coke in a glass bottle to tie it to. I ended up finding an old Clint Eastwood movie in the $5.00 bin at Wal-Mart which I decided to buy for another present. Then it was back home to make the lasagna and steam the broccoli. We all ate together, which actually happens occasionally (large family, different schedules) and then Daniel opened his presents. We had cake and then watched an episode of Psych. The kids have been getting them through NetFlix and they are so funny!

By now, I'm sure you see why I'm still tired. I used to cook like that every day. Maybe it's because I'm older or smarter, probably both, but I don't do it anymore. Just on birthdays and special occasions. Bethany's birthday is next week so I have to get rested to do it again.

seventeen years

Seventeen years ago early this morning Donald rushed me to the hospital. I was pregnant with Daniel. I remember it as though it were yesterday. I had placenta previa and an emergency c-section. I wasn't sure what was happening at the time, but I knew it was bad. Donald was rushing me into the car, but I did take time to go look at our children. I really thought it might be the last time I saw them. I am not trying to be dramatic here either. I remember I started shaking in the car on the way to the ER. Then all at once I had such peace. I wasn't scared anymore, it was as though I was just along for the ride.

Daniel was born way too early. They care flighted him to Baylor in Dallas. The doctors didn't give us much hope that he would live. Maybe I was still in shock, but I had total peace. It was really like water splashing off a duck's back. I know it was God's Presence. He had prepared Daniel for this day. He weighed a pound more than he should have at that time. He lost it later of course, but it was a very important pound. Never in my life have ounces meant so much.

I had a friend who was outside when the helicopter flew over; she prayed for whoever was in it. She had no idea at the time it was our Daniel.

He was in Baylor neonatal for a week and then in the hospital here for another month. After he came home it was round the clock care for him. I had to feed him every three hours and it took almost an hour to get him to eat. Then I would lay back down and sleep for maybe two hours and start over again.

Long after I would find myself in the kitchen in the middle of the night frantically looking for his medicine. I couldn't find it and couldn't remember what I was supposed to give him. It was a trying time. I was exhausted and still taking care of the other kids, homeschooling, cleaning, and cooking as usual. If I had had any sense I would have put homeschooling on the back burner for a while; but not me, not at that time of my life. School must go on!

He was on an apnea monitor and one day it started beeping. It would beep if he stopped breathing. I took him to our pediatrician. Dr. Clark took one look at him and carried him to the ER himself. That was a hard time for me. The first time around I had perfect peace. This time I struggled.

Today is Daniel's seventeenth birthday. I think his name is appropriate. Like God delivered Daniel in the Bible from the mouth of the hungry lions, He delivered our Daniel from death also.

He is a fine, healthy young man and one of the joys of my life. God is faithful.

Beyond and Above

Yesterday was my anniversary and I missed it. One year ago yesterday I started this blog. I remember saying I didn't have anything to say. Seems I found a few words, huh?

In honor of the day after I would like to explain how I chose the title of my blog. I wanted something really great. I love Ephesians 3:20 and based it on that verse.....

Ephesians 3:20
Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think--according to the power that works in you-- (Holman Christian Standard)

God has done that exact thing in my life. It is indescribable. It is more wonderful that I could ever have imagined. I still have trials and problems and worries, but He has enabled me to trust Him with them most of the time. I still struggle at times, but it doesn't destroy me as in times past.

God wants us to love Him and enjoy life. He makes everything different.

life goes on

I did something yesterday I have never done before. I visited three different cemeteries in one afternoon. Donald had to go to Mt. Pleasant where they are opening a new cancer center. The kids were all busy, so I went to see my mom. We decided to visit her sister. My mom's parents both died within a short time of each other when she was eight years old. She and her siblings were taken in by various people. Fortunately they all lived close by and were able to stay in touch with each other. Aunt Madeline died six years ago and it has certainly left a void in our lives, especially my mom and aunt. I took them to the cemetery and to see the old house where she lived. It makes me so sad because it is literally falling down and the once immaculate yard is overgrown and ugly. But in my mind I can still see it through the eyes of a child, beautiful as it used to be.

Then I took Aunt Bertha Lee by her husband's grave in another cemetery. After taking her home, mom and I went to my dad's grave in Dodd City. I miss my dad. Sometimes just a word or thought will remind me of him.

When I talked to Mother last night she said they both had such a good time. Neither of them drive and have to depend on others to take them places. They mostly go the grocery store and the doctor. It took just a few hours of my time to make them happy.

I really need to do things like that more often.

Note: The house in the picture looks great compared to the house where my aunt lived. I wish I had had my photographer with me.

birthday shopping

I've been birthday shopping. Daniel's birthday is next week. We just ordered civil war caps, expensive civil war caps. They are the kind they wear when they do the reenactments of the battles. He was going to buy one and really wanted one from the confederate and the union. Bingo! A birthday present that he will really like. I'm not telling a secret; he knows what he's getting. He picked it out. I'm not about to pay $55 for a cap he doesn't want or like. That's what I consider being wise.

Bethany's birthday is coming up shortly also. My birthday shopping isn't over yet. It's nice to shop in my comfy chair in front of the computer. I'm rather enjoying it. Or I will until the bill comes!

Donald got quite a bargain when he married me. He doesn't have to birthday shop. He just has to pay for it.