keyhole

I've been gone from the blogging scene for quite a while now. Facebook has taken up the majority of my computer time and I absolutely love it. The rest of the time I've been pulling up vinyl flooring, ripping up carpet, staining floors, painting, working in the yard, and have I mentioned facebook??? Rebekah didn't know what she'd created when she set me up a facebook account. She loves to tell this story about my first facebook experience. I was searching for former classmates and found one. Without thinking I said aloud, "Oh, he looks so old." Then after imaging what he would say if he saw my picture, I wondered about myself aloud. Then I said, "Nooooo." Rebekah got a good laugh and I suddenly felt much older than I did 60 seconds earlier.

I don't usually accept a friend request unless I know the person. However after commenting on a mutual friend's comment for months and laughing at all her comments I broke my rule and clicked on "accept request" or whatever it is you click on to be friends with someone. She always makes me laugh and I love her comments....kinda a "kindred spirit" type of facebook thing I guess. I met her in person today and after sharing a few laughs and hugs I am certain I made the right decision. She is as wonderful in person as she is on facebook~!

I just got back from going with Bethany to have her car inspected. We had a long discussion about attitudes and such. It seems it's harder to forgive when someone hurts someone you love than when they hurt you. Sometimes we want to "waller" in our unforgiveness for a while. Sometimes we make the right decision and do what we know we should do. Sometimes it takes a while to work through all our feelings. In the end, I have a feeling that God gets us where He wants us, even though we may dig in our heels and resist the journey. That's the neat thing about God; He's faithful even when we aren't.

We all fail; we all mess up; we all need a Saviour. God knows this. He provided our need before we knew we had one.

the Colour of His Love

Does God's love have colour? Oh, yes, most definitely! Here are some examples from one life, my own.

The colour of His love is watching my daughter weep for her friend in ICU. It's brothers and sisters being friends and taking care of each other. Picture a husband cleaning the dirty bathroom for his wife while she sleeps in bed during the afternoon because she's sick. His back is hurting and he has no business bending over that tub, but he does it anyway.

The colour of His love is a daughter calling her mom at work and saying, "Don't worry about dinner. We're getting chicken." She also paid for it for the whole family. It's another daughter taking her mom out to lunch and not letting her share the bill.

More colours of His love are my son building a bridge for my backyard project and tearing down a brick wall because his mom wants the brick. Another son loads and unloads bags and bags of free rock and soil and compost that his mother isn't even sure what to do with. The colour of His love showed her exactly where to use them months later and it's perfectly perfect~!

Yet other colours are a dear friend taking time from her busy day to come check on me because she loves me, my little black kitty that simply adores me and will come to me when I call his name, and the gentle rain that washes everything clean.

The colour of His love is abundant in this note that my wonderful husband wrote seven years ago and I will keep it forever. Read slowly and picture His colours for yourself.....

Someone who paints red birds on white backgrounds,

Someone who has my numbers on their jersey,

Someone who draws me flowers on napkins,

Someone who collects pennies and likes cats,

Someone who knows me too well not to speak up,

Someone who doesn't know any better than to love me!!!

Sound like anyone you know,

Sounds like my family

uh oh

We are going through the book "Who Can You Trust?" by Howard E. Butt in our Sunday School class. When we first started it I wasn't sure I was really going to like it that much. I can honestly say that I do. It has been the foundation for much discussion among our class.

Some of the statements he made and we discussed from our last lesson are...

Living is forgiving.

Jesus teaches us to make forgiveness a central part of our character.

and my favorite...

To function without forgiving others is to settle for something less than life.

How many of us strive to live a Christ-filled life with bitterness in our hearts??

Matthew 6:14-15 (God's Word translation)
"If you forgive the failures of others, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive others, your Father will not forgive your failures."

Matthew 7:2 (NIV)

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

These verses aren't usually we ones we hang on our refrigerator, but are truth none the less. Think about them.

be joined to the vine

This morning in Sunday school Greg made this statement. I can't remember if he read it from the book we are going through or if they were his own words. It was so profound I want to share. Drum roll please (use your imagination here)...........

"There is a difference between Christ being in my life and being my life" (emphasis mine).

I'm afraid I've lived most of my Christian life in the first category. I couldn't figure out why Jesus' words like Matthew 11:30, For my yoke is easy and my burden is light, seemed untrue. Now I believed God's Word to be true; I just couldn't figure out why it wasn't true in my life. It seemed I struggled all the time and could never measure up to what I thought God expected of me.

Most of my problem was that I was making it all about me. I can't manufacture or earn peace, joy, love, kindness, hope, or any of the things I longed for. For me, they only came in Him. God had already given me all I needed to live a victorious life in Him. Not apart from Him, IN HIM.

He desires the later category for us; so much so that He sent His own Son to make it happen. I love the way "The Message" puts it: But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him (Romans 5:8) and (John 15:4-5) "Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me. I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing."

a life renewed

I was reading in Ephesians yesterday and this phrase caught my attention:"to be made new in the attitude of your minds."



That is what God wants to do for us. As He is working in our lives we come to know Him better and better and He really does change the attitude of our minds. Everything may seem different although our natural circumstances may not have changed. I really like the way The Message says this.....take on an entirely new way of life.


Ephesians 4:22-24


Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything - and I do mean everything - connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life - a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

When God reproduces His character in us our attitudes do change. We can change from being negative to optimistic, from depressed to having joy, from wanting our own way to wanting what best for others, from being self-righteous to showing mercy, and the list can go and on.


How utterly different our lives can be! How exciting! How impossible in our own strength. How possible with Him!

high places

I haven't been to Wednesday night Life Group in a while. I had forgotten how totally awesome it is. Life Group is such an appropriate name for it!

Pastor Paul called us "graced ones" last night. What an incredible fact. I love it when something true like that sinks in and I know beyond a doubt that it is a reality in my life. I love it when God speaks to me that way. Often times I have to ponder it and pray about it and it takes a while to sink in. That's okay as long as it eventually sinks in. But I am blown away when God does what only He can do. We have learned about grace and it is a life-changing experience when you get it. I realize it's true whether we understand it or not, but to change our lives I think we need a revelation from God. I am thankful He desires to do that for us.

While praying Pastor Paul said these words "engulfed by you," meaning God, of course. That immediately gave me something huge to think about. I haven't gotten it, but I desire it. Now I am terrified of the water and can't swim a stroke, but I immediately envisioned a great wave sweeping me away. I wasn't afraid! Now I used to be afraid to totally surrender my life to God; I was afraid He would send me to Africa. (You can laugh, but I'm being honest.)

I started reading "Hinds Feet on High Places" again last week. I realized I have grown so much since the last time I read that book. I can relate to Much Afraid in the first chapter because I have lived that way. It's a horrible place to live. Knowing the Great Shepherd brings so much joy and peace and freedom in our lives. I think that's why being swept away by the wave in my mind didn't frighten me. Now I haven't gotten it yet; it's one of those things to ponder over. But the possibilities are so exciting! And I'm not afraid, at least not today.

That's another thing grace has done for me. I can live in today and not worry about tomorrow.

God is so incredible!

swirls

So many thoughts swirling in my mind. Waiting on God to help me make sense of them. Not quite sure what they all mean. Incompleteness. Patience; not one of my best qualities. Like Paul I can say and really believe.......

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phillippians 1:6)

no longer a slave

Romans 8:2
A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. (The Message)

Galatians 5:1 Christ has freed us so that we may enjoy the benefits of freedom. Therefore, be firm [in this freedom], and don't become slaves again. (God's Word Translation)

As I got dressed today I was thinking about what I'd wear to church tomorrow. After all it is Easter Sunday. I have a friend who refuses to wear anything new to church on Easter. I'm a lot like that. I don't like how commercialized Easter has become. Easter doesn't require a new outfit! So I decided I'll probably wear my usual.....my jeans and a decent blouse. Then I started thinking about discovering the freedom Christ has given me. Now I'm not coming down on anyone if you wear a dress or dress up to go to church.........that is a personal decision; maybe even one that God has directed you to. But I have found that I can worship God just as well in jeans as I can in a dress, even more so if I'm led to move around a bit! I'm not trying to be controversial. I'm just talking about me. I no longer have to "get dressed up" to worship God. I love the freedom that brings me.

II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (NIV)

Our Children Change Us.....

One of the definitions of melancholy is given to or marked by long, quiet thinking. Such is my fate today. January 26 is a day that brings this each year. You see, 26 years ago today our second son, Jonathan Micah, was stillborn. Now this is not a post to provoke sadness, but a day for me to remember the Lord's goodness. Why I'm sharing it with you, I'm not sure.

I didn't really want another child. Rebekah was quite young when we found out I was pregnant. After sulking for a while I finally grew to accept that we were going to have another child. I still remember that day I found out that more than likely that would not be the case. A routine sonogram showed some abnormalities. I remember driving home, looking at the beautiful sunset, and thinking it was all my fault, because I had not wanted this child. Now I was a very immature Christian at the time, but no matter, my wonderful Father spoke to me. He reminded me of Psalm 139:16 which says: Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.

What a great victory in my life. For you see, at that time of my life, if I had believed Satan's lie, it would have destroyed me. What a loving and kind God! We were sent to a larger city for "expert" advice. They said our child would not live till birth and if he did, would die shortly thereafter. There was a major problem with his lungs; to this day I still cannot remember the long name. They wanted to know if we would consider abortion. I still remember looking at them and telling them I didn't understand why God made our baby the way He did, but I was not going to kill it. Later they sent a counselor in to help us deal with our grief. I told her the same thing. She ended up leaving the room and didn't come back. I suppose we weren't what she expected.

We had so many people praying for us. I even received cards from Michigan during my pregnancy. We really desired God to heal our child and let Him live. However, He didn't. I was about seven months along when he stopped moving. God gave us the grace to accept His will and we went to the hospital.

The doctor said they would induce labor the next morning, but because of my only being seven months along and the baby being dead it might take several days of labor. They started the IV along with the medication to induce labor, and put me on a monitor . It was less than a minute after they did this that I looked at Donald and said, "I think I just had a contraction." The monitor indeed showed that I had, and in less than an hour the birth was over. God is so merciful and so good.

Now we had many hard days after this. Grieving is hard. Even though we didn't know our son, he had become a part of our lives the seven months he was inside my womb. God is faithful though and His mercy endures forever. He has blessed with four more wonderful children since Jonathan. But every January 26th I stop to remember.

Psalm 100:5 "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

I haven't read this author but agree with these words.....

Our children change us... whether they live or not.

(Lois McMaster Bujold, 1991 US science fiction author)

New Beginning

I'm so glad God's mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23.....
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (NIV)

We spent most of the day and night yesterday getting caught up in Algebra. Now we are only one day behind. I hate being behind. The part time jobs and being out of town took a toll on our classes. Now we are playing catch up. I spent most of the day trying not to be stressed. I didn't even go to Celebrate Recovery last night. There wasn't a Dallas Mavericks basketball game on, so I imagine my excuse was accepted!

Some things I have learned to let roll off me and not worry about. With other things I'm not very successful. I love the days when I can tell myself we've worked hard and it's okay to rest. Yesterday was not one of those days. I pushed and pushed the kids and even got frustrated quite a few times. But today is a new day. After our orthodontist appointment we'll start over.

New every morning......hallejuah!

presence choice

I love how when God gets my attention about something He continues to send me reminders. Our wonderful pastor has reminded us many times that we should seek after God Himself and not what He can give us/do for us. That is wise and life-changing advice. My daily devotional from Pastor Kevin (http://www.e-quip.org/) also talked about this. This is what he said in his Jan. 11th devotional.......

"It's time to get back to the basics. It's time to get back to KNOWING GOD. It's time to get back to a relationship with Jesus that far exceeds any other relationship we have on Earth, amen? Amen. THAT is what will be the catalyst to get YOU and ME into that PERFECT, EXACT, and GOD-PLANNED PURPOSE for our lives. Amen! I recently heard this statement, "It's time to be less concerned about the "presents" of God, and to start being more concerned about the "presence" of God."

I need His presence. I entered into a "me-centered" attitude yesterday and it stunk. It was an especially long morning as I bemoaned my missed meeting and dealt with my "poor me" attitude. I knew better; I just didn't let it go. It wasn't the end of the world and nothing life threatening came of it. I am human; I simply forgot. That happens and life goes on.

After a busy afternoon and night I checked email this morning and got this note from a special friend. Just read your blog. Are you being tested today? :) Hang in there. Remember God is in control and to praise Him in all things. Don't come down on yourself. He loves you very much!!! and sooooooo do I.

Aren't friends wonderful??

Ouch

Our pastor made a comment last night at church. He said, "Our circumstances should not affect how we treat other people." Ouch. Now I'm pretty good about being nice to those outside our home, but sometimes I'm not nice to those I love the most. Is it because I feel comfortable with them and know they love me and will most likely forgive me? Is it because they are the ones I spend the most time with (especially important since I home school)? Is it because I can't control my emotions? Probably some of all the above. Whatever the reason, I am wrong when I treat them less than I would like to be treated.

He also mentioned seeing the potential in people. That is so important. We all like to be praised. If we look hard enough we can find something to praise most people about. The dictionary defines praise as "to express a favorable judgment of" and flatter as "to praise excessively especially from motives of self-interest." There's a huge difference.

Wow, he's given me a lot to think about today.

Just for Today

Did you know that midlife crisis is in the dictionary? I didn't. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines it this way:

Main Entry: midlife crisis
Function: noun
Date: 1965
: a period of emotional turmoil in middle age characterized especially by a strong desire for change

I wonder what people before 1965 called it? Did they experience it? Did they know it existed?
Maybe that's what wrong with me. Now please understand......I don't want to change my family, my home, my life in general, my location, my vocation, my church, my friends, and the list can go on and on. I'm very happy with my life, thank you. What I do desire to change is my relationship with God. I want it to be more intimate. I want to know Him better.

Last night at church I know He spoke to me. Now I don't exactly like what He said, but I know it's needed in my life. He said, "Discipline and self-control." Now I am terribly disciplined about some things (school and laundry for example). Other areas are sorely lacking. I don't really want to go into the areas He is speaking to me about. I had a lot of time last night when I couldn't sleep to ponder these things and to even be tested on something I felt He was telling me not to do at the moment. Thankfully I chose to listen to Him and didn't get up and check to see if I had won an item on eBay. Now you may think that's silly, but it's not. God speaks to us about things like that if we listen to Him.

I know if I want to deepen my relationship with Him I'm going to have to listen and obey and do some things I don't want to do. It's my choice. He wants me to choose Him over what I want to do. It's not going to be easy. But at least for today I'm listening.

I am not too much of a goal oriented person; at least I don't see myself that way. I don't make New Year's resolutions because I never keep them. I miss a day or a few days and get discouraged and quit. Dear Abby has a column that says "just for today." Now I can understand that. I think that will be my motto in trying to obey God in these things. Just for today I will listen to what He says to me and obey. I won't worry about the tomorrows but will focus on today. Now that's scripture isn't it? I love the way the Message puts Matthew 6:34.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Up close and personal

I stayed up last night to welcome the new year......well, kind of. I kept falling asleep as I was laying in bed watching my new TV that I got for Christmas. Donald and I took money we received for Christmas and bought a DVD player/recorder for it as well. It's awesome~! My family is the greatest. Actually I was taking a load of laundry out of the dryer at 12:00 this morning (between cat naps that is). The kids are going to Holiday in the Park at Six Flags today and of course needed something washed they wanted to wear. Of all the things in their closets of course what they want is dirty!









I still haven't started on my bathroom cabinets. I didn't feel good for a couple of days, didn't want to for a couple, and was busy the rest of the time. Eventually I will get around to it. Rebekah helped me put pictures on my walls though and they look really good. I also got a cross and a couple of picture frames for Christmas that I need to put up also. I have actually moved some of the boxes, junk, papers, old VHS tapes, and other stuff out of my room. Of course the hammer and small nails are still laying in the floor waiting to be used. I know I drive Donald crazy as he doesn't do that. A place for everything and everything in its place is my sweet husband. In theory it works wonderfully; I just can't seem to be disciplined enough (uninterrupted enough??) to make it work. I have wonderful intentions though; those should count for something right??


I've been thinking about how blessed we are. It's wonderful to be thankful to God without trying to earn His blessings. He gives because He loves us......not because we're good enough or deserve anything. The opposite is true. There is NO way we can merit His blessings. Jesus is the ONLY way to have a relationship with the living God.

Tuesday's Thoughts

This thought came to me last night. I don't want to offend anyone with my blog. This is not an attack or directed at anyone except myself. Are you ready??? drum roll.................

Spirituality Stinks

Yep, that's it. And I agree with my thought. For way too long I tried so hard to be "spiritual" and "holy" and "pleasing to God." All it brought me was condemnation, frustration, and doubt. I was making it all about me, instead of trusting in the ONE who had already accomplished all that I was striving for.

My relationship with God is just that.....a relationship. He knows me and I know Him. He speaks to me and lets me know when I need to straighten up. He's always with me; even when I doubt and fear. I think it makes Him very sad to see me struggle so. He died that I might have life and have it abundantly. There are no more rules and regulations for me. I listen to Him and He leads me in the way I should go. He does that in many ways that I won't go into here.

Our pastor asked us a question last week. He asked if we were willing to lay aside our beliefs and let God teach us? For someone coming from my background that's pretty radical. I was always taught "what to believe." Now it's a "who to believe." I have been thinking about this a lot this week. I'm not sure I know how to do that; to totally wipe my mind's slate clean and start over without anything there. But I want to. I desire that.

I think that's a thought worth saying again: Spirituality Stinks!

Imagine

1 From the very first day, we were there, taking it all in - we heard it with our own ears, saw it with our own eyes, verified it with our own hands. 2 The Word of Life appeared right before our eyes; we saw it happen! And now we're telling you in most sober prose that what we witnessed was, incredibly, this: The infinite Life of God himself took shape before us. 3 We saw it, we heard it, and now we're telling you so you can experience it along with us, this experience of communion with the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. 1 John 1:1-3 (The Message)

Can you imagine what it would be like to actually have experienced this? To be with Jesus in the flesh? To look Him in the eye, maybe have him lay His hands on you and pray? Imagine greeting Him and sharing a meal with Him. He was flesh and blood; He lived in a body just like ours, yet He was sinless. He experienced happiness, hurt, anger, aches and pains; unbearable pain He didn't have to go through. He could have stopped it all with one word. He didn't. He died for us so we can live. Let us not forget what Jesus did for us. Whether we accept Him and live in Him is up to each of us. We can decline His gift of Himself or we can accept Him and have a life we could never have dreamed possible.

Facing Your Giants

I have finally finished reading "Facing Your Giants" by Max Lucado. It is an excellent book; I just got sidetracked from it while painting our bedroom and bathroom. Here a few quotes from this book that I really like.

1. The God who guided David guides you.

2. We all need a nevertheless.

3. Humility doesn't mean you think less of yourself but that you think of yourself less.

4. God examines hearts. When He finds one set on Him, He calls it and claims it.

5. Forgiveness is choosing to see your offender with different eyes.

6. A reverent heart and a dancing foot can belong to the same person. (I really like this one!)

7. What do you do with the "but God" moments in life?

8. See your struggle as God's canvas. On it He will paint His multicolored supremacy.

9. Never give up.

Color Washing

"This decorative effect creates the appearance of floating color. Soft and watery, or bold and striking. The color density varies over the surface and creates appearances from parchment to the softness of an evening sky or the deepness of watery depths. A subtle finish, with little texture, it is an ideal effect to create mood in a room, background ambience. When using earth tones the color wash can have a slightly aged appearance and is ideal for irregular wall surfaces."

This is what I am doing to my bedroom walls. You would think I would be tired of painting by now. Well, I am; but...............

I'm just not happy with the light brown color; I used it in my bathroom and loved it. Go figure. My friend, Vicki, says it is the way the light shines on it. I wish it would of shone some other way. Not being outdone and not leaving something I do NOT like isn't an option with me. So now I am color washing the light brown walls with some of the dark brown and glaze. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right, but I like it. I'll have Hannah take pictures after I'm finished. I still have to prime and paint our closet doors. It doesn't look like what Vicki did in our living room, but I'm pretty sure I like it enough to stop after I'm finished.

Anyway the color wash got me to thinking about sin. The color wash is a color on top of a color. It disguises it, but it's still there. It makes it prettier, but one color is still underneath the other.

I'm glad God doesn't color wash my sin.

Psalm 103:10-12
He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins. (The Message)

Perspectives

Isn't it awesome how God takes an ordinary day and blesses you with something different?

Friday Hannah and I had home school enrichment classes. She has some awesome classes this year. One of them is a Movie Making class. They have a director, people in charge of casting, makeup, costumes, and a set complete with camera, lights, and director chairs~! Angelia is coordinating the class and she and her husband are doing an awesome job. I am a helper in the class which means basically I drive kids to the set.

We have a family in our group who live out in the country. They have an awesome home and a small plane complete with hangar and airstrip. They kindly allowed our kids to construct their set for the movie inside their hangar. It is so perfect and they can leave it there and not have to tear it down and put it up which saves lots of time. I drove my van full of kids out to the set and stayed until they finished and drove them back home. Another mom and I were sitting in their house talking to Lisa and her husband. He asked Eileen and me if we would like to go up in the plane. It was awesome. You get a completely different view of things from up in the air. Things look so small and insignificant from above.

I think I needed that. I get so caught up in my life and our problems and responsibilities that I fail to remember that there is a totally different perspective. I need God to remind me of that from time to time. My problems may be huge to me, but God has a different perspective. He is in control of my life.

Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

More of Him

Pastor Paul has mentioned passion quite a few times lately. I know I am a very passionate person, especially about some things. Miriam Webster's On-line Dictionary defines passion as (and these are only a few of the definitions):

intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction

a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept

an object of desire or deep interest

I am certain I am very passionate about things I love, and I would say I am even passionate about some things I dislike. Take for instance the sign pictured above. I think this is a poor way to tell people about the love of Jesus Christ. I think we are doing people a great disservice when we try to scare them into the kingdom of God. Romans 2:4 says this:

"Do you have contempt for God, who is very kind to you, puts up with you, and deals patiently with you? Don't you realize that it is God's kindness that is trying to lead you to him and change the way you think and act?" I love the way The Message puts the last part of this verse: "In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change." I believe there's enough fear in the world already without using it to try to lead people to Christ. I think we should show people God's kindness; show them Christ's love. Give them a reason to desire Him.

Others are passionate about animals, abortion, politics, starving children in other countries, rights, and the list can go on and on. I'm passionate about many things myself: my God, my family, my church, my friends, even the Dallas Mavericks and chocolate. I hope I grow more and more passionate about my relationship with God. I love the freedom He gives. I love not having a list of rules and regulations about how to live my life; I love being able to listen to Him and to just enjoy the life He has given me. How could I not want more of Him??