Whence cometh my help

Psalms 121:1 "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help." (KJV)

Today I need help. To be honest I always need help; it's just that some days I don't realize my need for it as acutely as others. Since the God of galaxies is the God of Mondays then I know it goes without saying He is the God of algebra.

Maybe when I get finished homeschooling I'll take a college algebra class again just to see if I can pass it. ;)

what??

I just read an article about a couple who stole $8,000,000 from an armored car company to escape financial hardships. "I knew taking the money from AT Systems was wrong, but I wanted a better life," the lady confessed. They admit their guilt and then plead not guilty. I wonder if prison will give her a "better life'"?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22887939?gt1=10755

I'm glad I have a conscience. Really glad. Without the Lord maybe I would be in search of a "better life" also. I mean, we have financial hardships. Most people do. But even in them we are SO blessed. I guess a mission trip into the "cardboard village" in Mexico changed my perspective. Suddenly my carpet and flooring didn't seem so bad. My home wasn't made of cardboard and sitting on a dirt floor. Perspective.

Now do I still want new flooring?? Definitely! But it's not as important as it once was. In time, I'll have it. But now there are other things that are more important to us.

Entry Word: perspective
Function: noun
text: a way of looking at or thinking about something

Monday, Monday

The Christ of the galaxies is the Christ of your Mondays.

(Max Lucado, "Next Door Savior")

Our Children Change Us.....

One of the definitions of melancholy is given to or marked by long, quiet thinking. Such is my fate today. January 26 is a day that brings this each year. You see, 26 years ago today our second son, Jonathan Micah, was stillborn. Now this is not a post to provoke sadness, but a day for me to remember the Lord's goodness. Why I'm sharing it with you, I'm not sure.

I didn't really want another child. Rebekah was quite young when we found out I was pregnant. After sulking for a while I finally grew to accept that we were going to have another child. I still remember that day I found out that more than likely that would not be the case. A routine sonogram showed some abnormalities. I remember driving home, looking at the beautiful sunset, and thinking it was all my fault, because I had not wanted this child. Now I was a very immature Christian at the time, but no matter, my wonderful Father spoke to me. He reminded me of Psalm 139:16 which says: Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.

What a great victory in my life. For you see, at that time of my life, if I had believed Satan's lie, it would have destroyed me. What a loving and kind God! We were sent to a larger city for "expert" advice. They said our child would not live till birth and if he did, would die shortly thereafter. There was a major problem with his lungs; to this day I still cannot remember the long name. They wanted to know if we would consider abortion. I still remember looking at them and telling them I didn't understand why God made our baby the way He did, but I was not going to kill it. Later they sent a counselor in to help us deal with our grief. I told her the same thing. She ended up leaving the room and didn't come back. I suppose we weren't what she expected.

We had so many people praying for us. I even received cards from Michigan during my pregnancy. We really desired God to heal our child and let Him live. However, He didn't. I was about seven months along when he stopped moving. God gave us the grace to accept His will and we went to the hospital.

The doctor said they would induce labor the next morning, but because of my only being seven months along and the baby being dead it might take several days of labor. They started the IV along with the medication to induce labor, and put me on a monitor . It was less than a minute after they did this that I looked at Donald and said, "I think I just had a contraction." The monitor indeed showed that I had, and in less than an hour the birth was over. God is so merciful and so good.

Now we had many hard days after this. Grieving is hard. Even though we didn't know our son, he had become a part of our lives the seven months he was inside my womb. God is faithful though and His mercy endures forever. He has blessed with four more wonderful children since Jonathan. But every January 26th I stop to remember.

Psalm 100:5 "For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

I haven't read this author but agree with these words.....

Our children change us... whether they live or not.

(Lois McMaster Bujold, 1991 US science fiction author)

Remembering

I'm ready for it to warm up. It's 29 degrees now, but the windchill makes it feel like 19. On the upside it is supposed to get up to 33 today. But I don't consider 33 warm. There is a 60% chance of rain, therefore we could get some ice. All this cold makes me remember another time.

Several years ago we had a major ice storm after Christmas. Hardly anyone had electricity since the lines were down. Our house had two bedrooms and a bath added onto the back before we bought it. Now they did an excellent job and you can't tell it's an add on. They buried our lines though and the transformer on our pole stayed intact so our house had electricity. It became sort of a haven for some of our church family. We had heat and warm water for showers. We also had tons of food since the electricity was off long enough for every one's food to spoil. They brought it to our house and we had a very full refrigerator/freezer. One morning I woke up to the smell of frying bacon! Our pastor was cooking breakfast. Now I don't do breakfast unless it is at night for dinner. So that was quite a treat for me. One night we grilled steaks. I loved it; it was wonderful having people I love live with us for a few days. The kids had a blast as their friends were here also.

We still talk about it at times. So if it gets too bad and we are blessed with electricity "y'all" come on over. And yes, Pastor Paul, breakfast would be nice again please. I'll also be sure I have some extra pillows for Connie and Eddie!

don't categorize

I just read an article that makes me so sad. You can read it here if you'd like.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22813570/?GT1=10755

Basically a church is going to protest Heath Ledger's memorial service because he played a gay character in a movie. This is the same ones that protested at funerals of American soldiers who lost their lives in Iraq. I think these people are using all their energies in the wrong direction. Now I believe that homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible. But so are a LOT of other things. It is wrong to categorize sin. It seems many people put this one on the top of their list. When the people were wanting to stone a woman caught in adultery Jesus simply told them that whoever hadn't sinned could cast the first stone. Needless to say the woman lived. Jesus forgave her and her life was changed. Why can't Christians show some of Jesus' love to people instead of criticizing and condemning?

Addendum (sounds fancier than p.s. doesn't it??)
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
John Locke

Noses Know

Hannah and Bright................how in the world does she get pictures like this (photo by Hannah)

New Beginning

I'm so glad God's mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23.....
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (NIV)

We spent most of the day and night yesterday getting caught up in Algebra. Now we are only one day behind. I hate being behind. The part time jobs and being out of town took a toll on our classes. Now we are playing catch up. I spent most of the day trying not to be stressed. I didn't even go to Celebrate Recovery last night. There wasn't a Dallas Mavericks basketball game on, so I imagine my excuse was accepted!

Some things I have learned to let roll off me and not worry about. With other things I'm not very successful. I love the days when I can tell myself we've worked hard and it's okay to rest. Yesterday was not one of those days. I pushed and pushed the kids and even got frustrated quite a few times. But today is a new day. After our orthodontist appointment we'll start over.

New every morning......hallejuah!

y=mx+b

I have a blogging friend who asked an interesting question the other day. This is her question.....
Do you think blogs should only show the good days or times or do you think it is ok to be open and real about "some" things?

I started my blog during a very "up" time in my walk with the Lord. I had lots of positive thoughts and entries. Things seem to go in a cycle in my life and then I started struggling and walking through some hard things. I don't share everything on my blog, but I decided I was going to be real and share some of my struggles also. I don't know as there is a right or wrong answer to her question. People are so different.

Today has been a struggle. In Algebra we are given the slope and a point on a line and are having to find the y-intercept. Honestly, I could care less. However it is important in our schooling. So after struggling through the explanation in the textbook (a very technical explantion of why the example worked) and having no success we finally pulled out the tape from Friday's lesson. Bless our teacher's heart. She very plainly puts it in a one, two, three simple step explanation and suddenly there is much less stress in my life. I never thought my life would involve so much algebra!

I started thinking about Isaiah 26:3. I love the way The Message puts it........
People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, Steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don't quit.

Do you suppose God is considering algebra in this scripture??

decisions

I'm cold. I need to go to the store for milk and a few other items. I've been thinking about it for over an hour now and here I still sit in my warm robe covered with my warm throw. I'm glad I don't live up north. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but I would never make it. It's only 35 degrees now, but the wind chill factor makes it feel like 24. That's way too cold for this Texas girl.

I know God gave us the seasons and there are legitimate reasons why we need cold weather. I would just like to get through it and continue on into spring. Now that sounds like I'm wishing my life away and I'm really not. I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm not cold and it won't feel like 24 degrees when I finally go out. Maybe I'll wait until this afternoon; it's supposed to get up to 43 later today. Of course there's a 50 percent chance of rain later. Guess I'll have to weigh my options and decide............after I get dressed that is.

all is right with my world

Our kids are home; we sure missed them. I was so happy to see them that I pulled out pots and pans and started cooking for them since they were tired and hungry. Welcome home!

Saturday's thoughts

Our pastor has mentioned the need for integrity quite a few times lately. I guess because I live a fairly sheltered life at times I am not aware of the condition of things. Suddenly I become aware of the need and see it again and again.

Our daughter works in a doctor's office. They have had to hire a couple of new people. There were several who accepted the job, and then on the day they were to start called and said they had changed their mind, etc. One person even agreed to full time work and the day she was to begin called and said she could only work part time. What is it with people? It's sad when your word doesn't mean anything.

Proverbs 22:1
A good name is more desirable than great wealth. Respect is better than silver or gold. (God's Word Translation) Obviously to some people this doesn't matter. That makes me sad for them and for our world.

Here are a couple of quotes that I like.

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not. Oprah Winfrey (1954- ) in Good Housekeeping

Integrity combined with faithfulness is a powerful force and worthy of great respect.
Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, January 27, 2003

My prayer...........

Psalm 25:21
May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you. (NIV)

Forever God is Faithful

If you are a parent do you ever feel that God uses your children to teach you His ways? It's like we do/say all these things to make an impression on our children when they are small and yet God uses something we least expect to get the point across.



When Rebekah was little we had some Kid's Praise music that she listened to a lot. One series was Psalty the singing songbook and Charity Churchmouse. I never realized what an impact these songs had on her until I read her blog.


http://bekasthoughts.blogspot.com/


I know that God can use whatever He desires to touch our children's hearts and make an impression on them. I never knew at the time that He was doing that very thing. I am forever grateful to Him for continuing to work in our children's hearts. He is faithful!

Sad puppy

Rebekah, Bethany, Ben, and Daniel just left for San Antonio. It sure is quiet around here. Donald had to go back to work, and Hannah, Bright, and I are going to run some errands. Bright hates it when someone is not home. He knows when someone is about to leave and he get depressed while they are gone. I kid you not. So we will have to give him lots of attention the next few days. A few car rides will make him happy also.

I guess I'm just about as bad as he is. I'm glad they are getting to go, but I sure hated to see them walk out the door. Of course, Ben came back in a couple of times before they drove off as he forgot some things. He had a class this morning, so when he got home everyone was ready and waiting.

Our computer monitor wouldn't come on this morning. Ben hooked up my new flat screen TV to the computer and we can get Internet access so I'm sure the problem is the monitor. I started to get upset, but then remembered to thank and praise God. It sure helps beat the stress. I'm going to see if I can get it checked out this afternoon before we buy a new one. Maybe it's something simple.

I told Donald I am NOT losing my TV to the computer though. But it is nice to have it work as a backup. Guess I better clean up the kitchen and be ready to leave in a bit. I did ask Ben who I would cook for while he's gone. (He always gives me hugs and tells me he loves me while I'm cooking!) He said since he was gone I didn't have to cook. Wasn't that nice of him??

Weird Wednesday

Usually I'm at church right about now. Tonight I'm home and that seems weird as I'm feeling just fine. Donald had a meeting tonight and is getting to eat plus getting continuing education credits for it. Sounds good to me. I spent most of the day on the go and had to pick up Daniel from work since Donald's not home. We decided to go through Arby's for cheddar melts and curly fries. I didn't get home from the grocery store until after 4:00. Ben and Hannah helped me unload and Hannah cleaned the pantry and put away food for me. By then I didn't have time to cook dinner since I had to be ready to leave when Daniel called. I guess I'm trying to justify spending money on fast food; it was good, but not that good. At least I have the items for quite a few meals now. I love it when I plan ahead and know what I have on hand to fix.

The kids are leaving for San Antonio tomorrow so we have plenty of things to work on tonight. Homework and laundry mainly. The washer and dryer are humming along and the kids are studying so all is well on the home front. It sure is strange not being at church!

presence choice

I love how when God gets my attention about something He continues to send me reminders. Our wonderful pastor has reminded us many times that we should seek after God Himself and not what He can give us/do for us. That is wise and life-changing advice. My daily devotional from Pastor Kevin (http://www.e-quip.org/) also talked about this. This is what he said in his Jan. 11th devotional.......

"It's time to get back to the basics. It's time to get back to KNOWING GOD. It's time to get back to a relationship with Jesus that far exceeds any other relationship we have on Earth, amen? Amen. THAT is what will be the catalyst to get YOU and ME into that PERFECT, EXACT, and GOD-PLANNED PURPOSE for our lives. Amen! I recently heard this statement, "It's time to be less concerned about the "presents" of God, and to start being more concerned about the "presence" of God."

I need His presence. I entered into a "me-centered" attitude yesterday and it stunk. It was an especially long morning as I bemoaned my missed meeting and dealt with my "poor me" attitude. I knew better; I just didn't let it go. It wasn't the end of the world and nothing life threatening came of it. I am human; I simply forgot. That happens and life goes on.

After a busy afternoon and night I checked email this morning and got this note from a special friend. Just read your blog. Are you being tested today? :) Hang in there. Remember God is in control and to praise Him in all things. Don't come down on yourself. He loves you very much!!! and sooooooo do I.

Aren't friends wonderful??

blah, blah, blah

Life is changing yet again for me. Ben has started classes for the spring semester at the junior college. So that means thinking ahead and planning my schedule for when I need a car or maybe taking someone else to work so I'll have their car. In addition that means adjusting my schedule to be available to pick them up. Already today I have had to call on a dear friend for a favor because I have two places I need to be at the same time later today. Will I ever learn to say no??

Day one.......I've already messed up. They are having an enrichment class meeting for the parents as I type this. I'm supposed to be there. I forgot. Totally forgot about it. Vicki called or I never would have thought about it. I couldn't go; I didn't have a car. Good planning so far, huh?

I wonder what it would be like to have my very own car? Just to have it there for whenever I decided I wanted to go somewhere or do something. Our schedule is far too complicated for me.

Donald's parents had five kids also, but only one car. How in the world did they do it? Am I so spoiled that I think I deserve a car of my own? Let's get real here, our family has four cars already. Now one of them Rebekah is paying for and therefore has exclusive rights to. She is very good about sharing or helping with transportation when the need arises.

Why am I sitting here complaining?? I need to practice what Pastor Paul spoke about yesterday.

Note to self: begin attitude adjustment...... immediately!

rlp

"If enough of us commit ourselves to small acts of goodness, the world really does begin to be a better place." Gordon Atkinson/Real Live Preacher

http://www.reallivepreacher.com/

Ouch

Our pastor made a comment last night at church. He said, "Our circumstances should not affect how we treat other people." Ouch. Now I'm pretty good about being nice to those outside our home, but sometimes I'm not nice to those I love the most. Is it because I feel comfortable with them and know they love me and will most likely forgive me? Is it because they are the ones I spend the most time with (especially important since I home school)? Is it because I can't control my emotions? Probably some of all the above. Whatever the reason, I am wrong when I treat them less than I would like to be treated.

He also mentioned seeing the potential in people. That is so important. We all like to be praised. If we look hard enough we can find something to praise most people about. The dictionary defines praise as "to express a favorable judgment of" and flatter as "to praise excessively especially from motives of self-interest." There's a huge difference.

Wow, he's given me a lot to think about today.

Opportunity in every difficulty

Today the sun is shining and it's beautiful, but cool, out. We seem to go from 70 to freezing in a couple of hours. It sure is hard on allergy symptoms, coughs, and stuff you are trying to get over. Rebekah was sick and on antibiotics, I finally had to break down and get them, Ben has struggled along without them so far, and some of the others in our family have coughs. It sure was nice having the windows open for a few days! I love airing out the house. Hopefully some of the germs got taken care of.

Along with the antibiotics came several symptoms for me. I felt awful yesterday and didn't even go to Celebrate Recovery. Today is better. My stomach hurts but at least I'm not running to the bathroom , if you know what I mean. It seems that my symptoms are listed on the package as possible side effects. It would be nice if the antibiotics could just take care of the bad stuff without the side effects and without killing off some of the good stuff as well. I guess that's what yogurt is for. I did eat some for a couple of days until the nausea came and then I had trouble downing it. Every time I eat my stomach hurts; at least my sinus infection is better. See, I can look on the positive side of things.

Let us in

ArnoldJupiter (on the screen wanting inside)

When it was really cold I felt so sorry for our cats. Every time we would go outside Arnold would try to run in underneath our feet. When he had a broken leg a couple of years ago he was allowed to stay indoors; at least until the cast came off (vet's orders....why pay a couple hundred dollars for the cat and not do what he said?). He would make a great inside cat. He and Bright (our golden retriever) get along superbly. I so wanted to let them inside, but Donald said no. Stone cold heart, huh? Well, maybe he was right.

Today is warm and I have the windows open. The cats are still wanting in. They stand at the door and look in and go to the windows and try to get through the screens. It's 67 degrees so I know they aren't cold. They just want inside. I guess their reasoning is that the dog is indoors so they should be also.

Psalm 119

You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You're blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That's right - you don't go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. (Psalm 119:1-3, The Message)

This is my desire. I can't do it on my own. I need Him.

once again

I finally did it. I called the doctor's office today. I have been fighting this sinus junk for several weeks now. One day I feel bad, the next I feel better. Naturally I kept putting off going to see our nurse practitioner. So today when I woke up and it was worse I called. Of course she didn't have an opening today but her nurse did call me back later. So here it is the fourth day of the new year and I have already met my prescription deductible for the year. I really don't like taking antibiotics and try so hard not to. After a while I get sick of being sick and I cave in. Oh well..........

I went to bed at 6:30 last night and watched TV till 10:00. At least I slept better after I finally went to sleep. And by the way, I didn't win the bid on eBay. I had gotten Season One of NYPD Blue on eBay for $4.25 plus shipping. I love that show, especially Andy Sipowicz. I have even gotten Donald hooked. I had bid on another season, but didn't win that one.

I think I'll make sure the kitchen gets cleaned and then take a bath and put on my pj's. I can just about match my time last night if I hurry.

Just for Today

Did you know that midlife crisis is in the dictionary? I didn't. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines it this way:

Main Entry: midlife crisis
Function: noun
Date: 1965
: a period of emotional turmoil in middle age characterized especially by a strong desire for change

I wonder what people before 1965 called it? Did they experience it? Did they know it existed?
Maybe that's what wrong with me. Now please understand......I don't want to change my family, my home, my life in general, my location, my vocation, my church, my friends, and the list can go on and on. I'm very happy with my life, thank you. What I do desire to change is my relationship with God. I want it to be more intimate. I want to know Him better.

Last night at church I know He spoke to me. Now I don't exactly like what He said, but I know it's needed in my life. He said, "Discipline and self-control." Now I am terribly disciplined about some things (school and laundry for example). Other areas are sorely lacking. I don't really want to go into the areas He is speaking to me about. I had a lot of time last night when I couldn't sleep to ponder these things and to even be tested on something I felt He was telling me not to do at the moment. Thankfully I chose to listen to Him and didn't get up and check to see if I had won an item on eBay. Now you may think that's silly, but it's not. God speaks to us about things like that if we listen to Him.

I know if I want to deepen my relationship with Him I'm going to have to listen and obey and do some things I don't want to do. It's my choice. He wants me to choose Him over what I want to do. It's not going to be easy. But at least for today I'm listening.

I am not too much of a goal oriented person; at least I don't see myself that way. I don't make New Year's resolutions because I never keep them. I miss a day or a few days and get discouraged and quit. Dear Abby has a column that says "just for today." Now I can understand that. I think that will be my motto in trying to obey God in these things. Just for today I will listen to what He says to me and obey. I won't worry about the tomorrows but will focus on today. Now that's scripture isn't it? I love the way the Message puts Matthew 6:34.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

Up close and personal

I stayed up last night to welcome the new year......well, kind of. I kept falling asleep as I was laying in bed watching my new TV that I got for Christmas. Donald and I took money we received for Christmas and bought a DVD player/recorder for it as well. It's awesome~! My family is the greatest. Actually I was taking a load of laundry out of the dryer at 12:00 this morning (between cat naps that is). The kids are going to Holiday in the Park at Six Flags today and of course needed something washed they wanted to wear. Of all the things in their closets of course what they want is dirty!









I still haven't started on my bathroom cabinets. I didn't feel good for a couple of days, didn't want to for a couple, and was busy the rest of the time. Eventually I will get around to it. Rebekah helped me put pictures on my walls though and they look really good. I also got a cross and a couple of picture frames for Christmas that I need to put up also. I have actually moved some of the boxes, junk, papers, old VHS tapes, and other stuff out of my room. Of course the hammer and small nails are still laying in the floor waiting to be used. I know I drive Donald crazy as he doesn't do that. A place for everything and everything in its place is my sweet husband. In theory it works wonderfully; I just can't seem to be disciplined enough (uninterrupted enough??) to make it work. I have wonderful intentions though; those should count for something right??


I've been thinking about how blessed we are. It's wonderful to be thankful to God without trying to earn His blessings. He gives because He loves us......not because we're good enough or deserve anything. The opposite is true. There is NO way we can merit His blessings. Jesus is the ONLY way to have a relationship with the living God.