Did you know that midlife crisis is in the dictionary? I didn't. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines it this way:
Main Entry: midlife crisis
: a period of emotional turmoil in middle age characterized especially by a strong desire for change
I wonder what people before 1965 called it? Did they experience it? Did they know it existed?
Maybe that's what wrong with me. Now please understand......I don't want to change my family, my home, my life in general, my location, my vocation, my church, my friends, and the list can go on and on. I'm very happy with my life, thank you. What I do desire to change is my relationship with God. I want it to be more intimate. I want to know Him better.
Last night at church I know He spoke to me. Now I don't exactly like what He said, but I know it's needed in my life. He said, "Discipline and self-control." Now I am terribly disciplined about some things (school and laundry for example). Other areas are sorely lacking. I don't really want to go into the areas He is speaking to me about. I had a lot of time last night when I couldn't sleep to ponder these things and to even be tested on something I felt He was telling me not to do at the moment. Thankfully I chose to listen to Him and didn't get up and check to see if I had won an item on eBay. Now you may think that's silly, but it's not. God speaks to us about things like that if we listen to Him.
I know if I want to deepen my relationship with Him I'm going to have to listen and obey and do some things I don't want to do. It's my choice. He wants me to choose Him over what I want to do. It's not going to be easy. But at least for today I'm listening.
I am not too much of a goal oriented person; at least I don't see myself that way. I don't make New Year's resolutions because I never keep them. I miss a day or a few days and get discouraged and quit. Dear Abby has a column that says "just for today." Now I can understand that. I think that will be my motto in trying to obey God in these things. Just for today I will listen to what He says to me and obey. I won't worry about the tomorrows but will focus on today. Now that's scripture isn't it? I love the way the Message puts Matthew 6:34.
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."